Welcome to the Void: Terms of Unservice

By blinking at this screen, you agree to all past, present, and imaginary rules. 

Read them carefully or do not read them at all. It makes no difference to the algorithm.

1. General Decorum

• Blinking. Do not blink rhythmically. It confuses our servers.
• Posture. Keep your spine perfectly perpendicular to the nearest lunar body.
• Breathing. Limit inhalation to prime numbers of seconds only.
• Hovering. Do not let your mouse cursor hover over empty space. Space is never empty.
• Typing. Caps lock is mandatory on odd-numbered Tuesdays.

2. Account Security

• Passwords. Must contain at least three hieroglyphs and one secret sigh.
• Security Questions. Be prepared to name your third-favourite type of moss.
• Verification. Prove you are human by accurately guessing what the developer ate for lunch.
• Sharing. You may share your password only with certified barn owls.

3. Content and Commotion

• Comments. All vowels will be automatically replaced with the word "pumpkin".
• Likes. Double-clicking the like button will deduct three minutes from your lifespan.
• Images. Uploading pictures of circles is strictly prohibited. Ovals are permitted with written consent.
• Disagreements. If you disagree with another user, you must challenge them to a virtual staring contest.

4. Fees and Finances

• Currency. We accept payments only in buttons, lint, and forgotten memories.
• Subscription. The free tier costs nothing but your sense of direction.
• Refunds. Refund requests must be submitted via carrier pigeon during a solar eclipse.

5. Termination of Reality

• Violations. Breaking any rule results in your immediate transformation into a PDF file.
• Exiting. Closing this tab does not end the session. We are always here.